To the Lord!!!
But for some reason I can't wrap my head around that for the last couple of nights. I feel as though I had a true panic attack last night. AS I watched Sammy sleep, the "what if's" started running through my head and it was devastating. I am just coming to a place right now being completely overwhelmed, exhausted, scared and terrified all at once. I have nothing positive to say tonight. I am scared, unbelievably incrediably scared. Yes I KNOW without a doubt that God is in control all the time, and that His plan is perfect, but what I don't KNOW is what that plan is, what steps are going to occur to have that plan come to fruition, and whether that plan leaves Sammy with no complications from this. The fear that is gripping me is almost unbearable. I feel like I am in this deep dark hole screaming for help and there isn't anyone close by.
My baby is going to be having surgery and it is extremely risky and I am just scared tonight. Please pray, pray that he will be ok, that there won't be complications, and that I can be strong again, because right now, I just want to curl up in a ball and hide. I can't stop the "what if's?" in my head, and I can't stop crying. I can't stop hurting and I just need Godly strength to get me through and I don't have it tonight.