The Battle belongs....

To the Lord!!!
But for some reason I can't wrap my head around that for the last couple of nights. I feel as though I had a true panic attack last night. AS I watched Sammy sleep, the "what if's" started running through my head and it was devastating. I am just coming to a place right now being completely overwhelmed, exhausted, scared and terrified all at once. I have nothing positive to say tonight. I am scared, unbelievably incrediably scared. Yes I KNOW without a doubt that God is in control all the time, and that His plan is perfect, but what I don't KNOW is what that plan is, what steps are going to occur to have that plan come to fruition, and whether that plan leaves Sammy with no complications from this. The fear that is gripping me is almost unbearable. I feel like I am in this deep dark hole screaming for help and there isn't anyone close by.
My baby is going to be having surgery and it is extremely risky and I am just scared tonight. Please pray, pray that he will be ok, that there won't be complications, and that I can be strong again, because right now, I just want to curl up in a ball and hide. I can't stop the "what if's?" in my head, and I can't stop crying. I can't stop hurting and I just need Godly strength to get me through and I don't have it tonight.

Dedication

Samuel and Dasanee got dedicated together today at our church. We wanted to do it because Dennis was home and would be able to be here. My sister in law Tracy sang the song that meant so much to me (and still does) throughout my pregnancy "Trust Me" by Crystal Lewis. She made it so special for us. We also were asked to give our testimony about the miracles that God performed keeping Sam safe. It was such a beautiful day. And afterwards Dennis had a welcome home barbecue, and in a few weeks he will be returning to Iraq.

Trust Me

Today at church my wonderful sister-in-law Tracy sang a song called "Trust Me" by Crystal Lewis, and I really felt like God was speaking directly to me, telling/reminding me that He is in control and I just have to trust Him. I continue to bleed, and the OB doctor said that there is no hope and that I should just give up on this baby, but my family practice doctor is still supportive and God is the ultimate decider of what will happen. I keep listening to that song, a specific line says"trust me, trust me, though you can't see." So I have told God that I am trusting Him to have my hormone levels to go into the 90,000 range, and guess what they went up to 97,000!!!