Aaaagggghhh!!!! Do you ever feel like just yelling and losing your temper? That is where I am right now. I am so incredibly stressed and frustrated. I have been contracting off and on and keeping in contact with the doctor. Well monday night I couldn't sleep and was in tears as the contractions were so uncomfortable. Then tuesday morning when I woke up they were better, I had to check in with the doctor anyways, and so once I had spoken with her and let her know that I really just wanted to stay home, she said to check in a little while later. So when I called back I was contracting a little more frequently but not as intense. But she had me come up to the hospital and when they put me on the monitor the contractions were 2 to 5 minutes apart!!! I couldn't believe it. I kind of feel stupid as I was thinking they were about eight minutes apart. So anyways they gave me terbutaline to stop them and IV and stuff like that. I stayed for like six hours or so and then begged to go home. I had another negative fetal fibrinectin test, which is supposedly 98% accurate that I won't deliver in the next 9 days, but the doctor reminded me that if my body continues to contract that things can change and we could get a positive fetal fibrinectin.
SO I am so frustrated. I know I need to stop working but I can't becuase I need to have health insurance and food and to pay my mortgage. It is just so hard. I feel like keeping the schedule that I am keeping is jeopardizing the health of this baby and I feel like I have no other option. What do I do? Thankfully we have people willing to help take care of Sam or do other things for me, but it is hard to have to ask. Matt's aunt came over and reorganized Sam;s whole room and went through all the newborn stuff and put all of that away for me, which is a relief to have taht done. It is one less thing to stress over, and it is marking something off what seems like an endless list for me.
Sorry for the complaining, just completely stressed out at the moment. I know God is in control and that He will provide but it is just hard not knowing how. Here are some cute pictures of my little guy, who has taken to blinking although of course I couldn't capture it on film:)