"You hurt my feelings!!!"

So today Sophia was being very naughty. I turned around to her and said "Sophia Grace Weber you need to be quiet and stop your whining. There will be only indoor quiet voices in my van or you will have a time out when we get home."
She immediately starting crying. And continued to cry for a few minutes. She then said "Mommy you hurt my feelings so bad! God doesn't like it when you hurt peoples feelings." Ugghhh, I am so torn with this one, on the one hand she was naughty and does need to be reprimanded, however I also agree that God doesn't like us to be mean and hurt people. I am so thankful that my speaking to my children about our loving God is sticking with them. They have memorized a few bible verses which is so awesome to me. Their favorite right now is "Never stop praying" I Thessalonians 5:17

GI update

So our GI appointment went relatively well. He was pretty happy with Sam's weight although also concerned with the continued belly pain. He is now up to 38lbs!!! We increased his periactin dose, for two weeks, and at the end of the two weeks if he isn't better then I am to call his immunologist to see if we can stop the singulair. Apparently singulair has been linked to some belly pain in the past. And then after two weeks off the singulair then we will then move on to a new GI med to see if that helps resolve this crazy stomach pain.
I can't believe he will be five soon! I have been filling out all the paperwork to get him into kindergarden in the fall! My baby is growing up:-) He is such a joy and such an inspiration to me. With all his medical problems/challenges, with all the scares that we have had with him since pregnancy, I feel so blessed to be his mom. God has given us such a tremendous blessing in Sam (and Sophia as well). I feel like because we have had so much struggle with him that I have appreciated and enjoyed each and every moment with him moreso than if he was healthy. It is a reminder that we are never promised tomorrow, but more so than that is that our God is an awesome amazing all powerful God, and that His plan for us is greater than we can even imagine.
I am just in the place of thankfulness, thankful for the challenges we have had because htey have made me a better mom, and a better person. I have become more compassionate and understanding. I wouldn't have the sam compassion if I didn't have this chronically ill kiddo to love. Just thankful:-)

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful:
-for my beautiful children
-for Sam's recovery and no further bleeding since sunday
-for my husband
-for my job
-for my family
-for my friends kindness, generosity, love and encouragement
-for doctors/nurses that care about Sam and take wonderful care of him
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...
-for a God who loves and forgives me inspite of all my flaws.
What are you thankful for?:-)

Faith like a child

I am so often reminded by my children how amazing our God is and how we need to learn to trust Him always. Today the weather was TERRIBLE, we had a snow storm, and although there wasn't much accumulation, there was also some sleet and icing going on. Anyways I was supposed to have a doctors appointment today for Workman's comp. I called the office to see if I could reschedule due to the weather. The office staff very rudely informed me that if I didn't come that I was a "No call no show" and that my workman's comp could be terminated! She said that I had to call my workman's comp insurance adjuster directly adn that she would have to reschedule the appointment. Of course she had taken the day off. Long story short, after a lot of frustration and phone calls and run around I was able to reschedule the appointment for thursday.
Meanwhile my son who has a wonderful inspiring faith, says to me "Mommy can we go to my friends' house? I know it's dangerous but God will get us there safe!" It is so wonderful to see his little heart blossoming with love for our Saviour, and faith that God is our protector:-)

Matthew 17:20 (New Living Translation)
"You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."

Two weeks and counting!

It has been a rough two weeks, but I am so thankful to say that God has brought us through with flying colors. Sammy is doing well. He is drinking very well now, and I thankfully have no concerns with his hydration status. Food is still a bit of an issue, but he has STOPPED losing weight! He is back to 34lbs and hopefully I can fatten him up. He is playing and not quite as irritable.
And although he definitely had some apnea last week, last night he DIDN'T!!! They have said that it could take a full four to six weeks to know whether the apnea will be completely eliminated. But for now it is looking positive. They said we would need to repeat the sleep study probably so that I am sure is something we will be scheduling soon. We have pulmonology and immunolgy in the next two weeks. And then GI and hematology in february. ALWAYS something!
I had my follow up for my back today. I had gotten so anxious just prior to Sam's surgery that they were going to give my job away, or say that I had to come back full time the day of his surgery. But as always God prevailed, and everything was put on hold. Today I went and they are going to continue to the partial shifts, as well as the no lifting for another month. I am still awaiting an appointment with the back specialist but I am not sure when that will be
When Sam had his surgery my wonderful friend Meg came with me. I truly don't believe that I could have made it through that day without her. I was a mess, and she was truly God's hand extended to comfort me. She was so thoughtful and brought along her I-pod with some beautiful inspirational songs on it. I was so deeply touched by one of the songs, but sadly could not find it to share with you on YouTube. If you google "How would I know by Kathy Troccoli" it will take you to her site and you can listen. And I highly recommend that you do. THis song has spoken so much to me, the lyrics are below....
"If it wasn't for the times that I was down
if it wasn't for the times that I was bound
for all the times that I wondered how I would ever make it through
all the times that I couldn't see my way and I had to turn to You

How would I know you could deliver
How would I know you could set free
if there had never been a battle
How would I know the victory
How would I know you could be faithful
to meet all of my needs
Lord I appreciate the hard times otherwise how would I know

I remember all the times I had to cry
and at the time all I could do was wonder why
Why would a God so kind and loving
allow me to go through all this pain
if I could see into the future
then I would know the joy I'd gain

How would I know you could deliver
How would I know you could set free
if there had never been a battle
How would I know the victory
How would I know you could be faithful
to meet all of my needs
Lord I appreciate the hard times otherwise how would I know

How would I know that you could make a way out of no way
How would I know if I never had a need
Brother I know what your goin through
Sister I know cause I've been in your shoes
But I can truly say that I know what God can do

How would I know you could deliver
How would I know you could set free
if there had never been a battle
How would I know the victory
How would I know you could be faithful
to meet all of my needs

Lord I appreciate the hard times otherwise how would I know

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is the day
The day of the surgery
The day I have been praying for
The day I have been terrified about
The day I have been dreading

Tomorrow is
The day that God's will will prevail
The day that Satan's fight for Sam's health will be defeated
The day that I will rejoice for God's healing
The day Sammy will be able to breathe
The day I will be able to focus on God
The day we will be surrounded by love and prayers
The day that God will reveal Himself in a bigger way
The day that the Lord has made

The surgery is tomorrow afternoon. We will go in early so that he can get IV medication to help his blood function better to help prevent bleeding. I am so blessed to have the prayers of so many surrounding us, and also to have a support system of people coming into Boston, taking care of Sophia, and praying. Thank you to all of you! We couldn't get through this without all of you!!!

On New Years Eve we got to have Darius over to watch. Sam absolutely loves him! He wanted to hold him constantly. Sophia on the other hand, was jealous and didn't want me to hold him at all.







Phillipians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Sammy is sick:-(

Sammy seems to be getting sicker. He had such a bad coughing spell this evening (about two hours after albuterol) that he actually vomited and was choking. The poor little guy was struggling to breathe. I am meeting his doctor first thing in the morning, but am praying that nothing happens during the night that causes us to need to go to the ER.
They may postpone the surgery! Would you please join me in prayer that they will continue with the surgery? That Sam will quickly get healthy and that they can proceed as planned? It has been very stressful getting all the plans in place as far as a place for Sam and I to stay after he is discharged from the hospital but still needs to be cloes by, and childcare for Sophia, and working my doctors appointments into the mix. I am just wanting this whole process to be completely behind us. Not to mention that the tonsils are probably what is causing all of the sinus infections and respiratory symptoms. So we are really probably going to be sick until they are out.
So I am just praying that they can come out next week, and then we can start the recovery process....AND trasition AWAY from the apnea monitor!!!:-)

Psalm 91:14-16
14. God says, I will save those who love me and I will protect those who acknowledge me as Lord.
15. When they call to me, I will answer them; when they are in trouble, I will be with them, I will rescue them and honor them.
16. I will reward them with long life; and I will save them.

When all else fails: TRUST!

Goodness it is so easy lately to get caught up in being anxious and afraid. I don't know why I keep falling into this place of anxiety. Today I got a call from the employee health nurse at the hospital. She was less than pleasant, and was quite rude about the fact that I am still out of work. She said that I couldn't wait until I had my scheduled appt to go back to the workman's comp doctor and that I had to go to see him next week. She then went on to say that I needed to get back to work and that she had plenty of office work for me to do....so I started to get anxious about the schedule and how I could work and take care of the kids and deal with all of the upcoming visits with Sam...
Then shortly after I got off the phone with her there was another phone call from the hospital stating that I needed to come in as soon as possible to meet with the VP of human resources and that my boss was also going to be there. Now at this point I really started to get anxious. Wondering why this meeting was occuring? What they were going to say? Wondering a whole lot of things, but not liking what I was thinking were the answers...
Fast forward a little while, I started just focusing on God and the knowledge that He ALWAYS knows, always cares, and will take care of us... So tonight I am wondering what tomorrow will hold, but also resting in Him and the knowledge that in Him we will definitely be ok:-)

I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Grace

1 Corinthians 15:10 (NIV) But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.

Today I was blessed enough to go to church and have Sam prayed over. Sam and I were surrounded by God's love and prayers. It was wonderful to be reminded that in this journey we are not at all alone. And I do sometimes feel alone in this journey. I know I am just getting so overtired with the apnea alarms and not sleeping. I know that I am feeling overwhelmed with the planning and preparing for the surgery. I know that I feel like I am falling apart and not doing ANY of this good enough. I know that I fail miserably so often with so much of what I try to do. But you know what else? I know that God loves me despite of me, that HE loves me no matter what I mess up. That He carries me when I can no longer walk on my own, and I am forever thankful.
A woman in my church came up to me today after the service and was talking to me. She said how she admires how I carry myself with so much grace! I was so taken aback by this compliment, so stunned! Especially with how much I have been struggling the last few days. And AGAIN God comes to my rescue, to build me up, to encourage and strengthen me! She spoke about from the time that I was 15 and different things that I have gone through, how she has watched me and admired how I carried myself with so much grace. I certainly don't feel that I am what she said, but I was so so blessed by this.
It is amazing how God just places people in your life at the exact moment in time to just bless you in ways you had no idea. Her compliments today give me the strenght and courage to keep on moving to keep on trying, to keep on believing. Thank you Kristine, for reminding me of my purpose in this life, the purpose of living my life to show the world God's love!!!

Scrub a dub dub....

Sam and Sophia are in the tub. Oh my goodness, how these two precious kiddos blessed me tonight with their silliness with the bath foam. They had so much fun in the tub. I put some vapor bath in the tub to see if we could help Sam breathe better. They had tons of bubbles in the tub and also they had the bath foam. So much fun was had by all:-)
I had a follow up appointment with the workman's comp doctor today. He is continuing to keep me out of work for at least another two weeks. AT this point I am just wishing that things were better. But on the other hand, I am thankful that I am not back at work, as Sammy has lots of doctors appointments coming up. As well as his first Christmas play at preschool! I am so excited about it!
I also was so blessed today to have a visit with a dear friend. You know those days when life just is a little overwhelming, and you start to get down in the dumps? That was how my day/week has been. I can't even exactly say what is the cause, but just that I was struggling. And then my friend is here, and we have this wonderful discussion about faith and strength and learing to trust God in all of our situations. I am just so encouraged! Thanks Meg! Even this little visit really wasn't supposed to take place today, but God knew that I needed this and I am so very thankful. God just always loves us in ways we never expect, and today I was loved on by God through Meg:-)

"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, and may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know His love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19

More stress....

I am trying to remain positive lately but sometimes I just get so overwhelmed. There is so much STUFF going on right now. And I feel like I am sinking underneath it all. Please just pray for our family, for HUGE decisions that have to be made, for Sam's health and decisions that need to be made regarding him, for my back/job situation, and that I have the wisdom/strength to make the right decisions.
Sam has been "a little off all weekend" with intermittent low grade temps, fussy, and sleeping a lot more than normal. Now this totally could be nothing but it could also could be him getting sick, just never know with Sam. I finally heard back from pulmonology yesterday. I had been hoping that since he had wanted to see him in six weeks after "the urgent sleep study" that we wouldn't have to see him until january, because that is when the "urgent sleep study" is. So that gives us appt's next month in Coord. Care Clinic, with GI, immunology, ENT, pulmonology, his primary, and IVIG x2. It's going to be hectic with the holidays.
We went out to eat on saturday with some friends of ours. It was so fun! The kids behaved really well, and the food was fabulous:-) On sunday we had family portraits taken by a fabulous photographer, I can't wait to show them to you. She also did some of just Sammy too. I think they are going to be amazing.:-)
God spoke to me so clearly on sunday at church. Our Pastor preached about miracles, and being faithful and continuing to trust God with all your needs. A big part of the sermon was about "The Widows olive oil" in 2 Kings 2:4. Here this woman had nothing and creditors were coming to take her children as slaves to repay a debt. She cried out for help, and God heard her prayer. He provided enough oil for her to pay her debt and to live off of.
Our Pastor said "the miracle is in the house." I am believing for that miracle in my house and in my life. I know God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all expectations and I am eagerly awaiting His answer to my prayers.

Sheer Panic and Fear

Yesterday after working all night I took the kids to a birthday party. It was at this great indoor soccer field, and the kids had a blast. They were running all over the place and just enjoying themselves immensely. I was going back and forth between the two since of course they don't stay together:-) And suddenly I couldn't find Sophia! Immediately there were several people looking for her. One of the men there ran outside, and amazingly there were a group of people from our church right outside who also started looking for her (It is such a GOD thing that these people were there)
I was running around like a lunatic looking for her, and then went into the bathroom and there she was:-) She had asked her auntie to take her to the bathroom. Sure she won't go pee pee on the potty for me without me forcing the issue, but she will ask other people to take her. I can't even begin to explain the terror I felt for those few minutes, and then the sheer elation when I knew she was safe, but that got me thinking....
I wonder as we are "lost" in the world of unbelief it that is how God feels. If His heart is breaking, knowing that HE can't force us to be safe (and found). I continue to think about this over the last day. And I am just so thankful to know that my God just loves and cares so deeply, but so saddened by the fact that I hurt Him and disappoint Him.
In those moments, I was so filled with fear, and anxiety, over the what ifs....and just as quickly those thoughts were stripped away as I held her in my arms. And I can't help but think about how once we have come to Christ, if our slipups and disappearing acts (when we kind of walk our own way instead of His) hurt our Maker that same way. And then the joy that He feels as we choose to follow Him. Gosh, the heartache that He must feel, with the way so many denounce Him.
Being a parent has changed the way I think about my faith and about how I feel about God. I don't think I still can grasp the amazing love that He has for me, but I'm getting closer since He has blessed me so wonderfully with these two precious kiddos. I am just so humbled through this experience, that God chooses to love us, dispite the risk of losing us, or of us rejecting Him. How truly amazing is our God?

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.
1 John 4:9

Waiting for a Rainbow

Be aware that I am totally in a rough place tonight as I write this. Feeling scared and overwhelmed and sad. I know that God has called us to ‎"do not be anxious about anything; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6-7 but today I am struggling with that. I went back to the workman's comp doctor yesterday, he has allowed me to go back to work! PRaise God for that! I am so grateful. There are some pretty significant restrictions which I don't know if my particular job will be able to accomodate, so I have a lot to think about there... but know that God's plan is the best plan.
Secondly due to some funky inflammation that I have in my eye, and the inflammation that I had in my SI joint the doctor is now wondering if I have some kind of auto immune disorder. THIS is where I am totally freaking out inside. I don't have time to be sick, to slow down, or focus on something else. My plate is so full and just the thought of adding more is just completely overwhelming me.
A wonderfully sweet sister in Christ said to me today that when she had been sick and had gone to her Pastor of her church and made the typical comment that so often many of us use "God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but He is giving me too much." Her Pastor then corrected her and said that "God doesn't give us more than HE can handle!!!" This has been so grounding for me today. And although I am so aware of God's awesome power and work in our lives, when something new is thrown into the mix, I forget that God has been handling everything and has been carrying me through the whole time. I never have been in charge of this, I never have been the one juggling all of the things going on in our lives. I never have had to walk alone, and most importantly I have NEVER been given too much that HE can't handle. So as I walk in this, He is giving me peace, I just have to keep making the right choices to give it all to Him.
Sam and I went back to children's today for his treatment. It has been so nice not having to drive into the city, but it was wonderful today to see some wonderful friends/nurses etc that we have grown to love over the last several years that we have been going there. My mom was able to come with us today which was such a blessing. She is so calming for me, especially when they struggle to get his line in, as they did today. Hard to believe that we started doing this when he was 13months old!!! There is a possibility of us being able to continue his treatment out here, can you please pray that God opens the door to where He wants us to be and closes the door he doesnt. Here is a pic of Sam's first treatment, and the second pic is just one from playing the other day:-)

Today....

Sammy went to preschool and came home exhausted. He has gotten slightly more appetite back. Still sounds pretty congested, but all in all praise God seems to be doing better. Waiting on a few return messages from doctors to see what the next step is. We will be going to see pulmonolgy next week, as well as going back to Children's for his IVIG. Currently he is scheduled to get his flu shot on thursday, so I am praying that he is healthy enough to get it.
In reading the post today over at Bowens Heart (www.bowensheart.com) I was caught completely off guard. Here is this amazing family right in the middle of a struggle with a beautiful heart baby, and he is being so open and honest with his faith. As I read their story, I am encouraged and inspired, reminded that God is here through out all of this, that these struggles are felt by God too, and that His plan remains perfect regardless of what my plan is. That God's love is flowing through every trial, every struggle, every question I have. His love is washing over us.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
Romans 8:35

Joyce Meyer

I received a devotional called "hearing from God each morning" by Joyce Meyer last Christmas. And there have been so many things that have just grabbed my heart. I know that I am not reading this book by accident that it was totally God's perfect plan for me. But as usual I am suprised by how He speaks to me. The scripture for today: Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity, for the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping. The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord receives my prayer. (Psalm 6:8-9)
And then Joyce writes "When we pray God hears us, and He answers. It is important that we are as confident of that as David was when he wrote the verses for today. You can live with confidence as long as you know that God is on your side and that He will help you win your battles in life. You are not alone, God is with you!"
It is such a simple well known truth, but so so easy to lose sight of when you are in the midst of a trial. So often I am focusing on the fears that I have regarding upcoming procedures, complications, illnesses etc with Sam. I forget to focus, on the fact that God has carried us through all of it, that God has given us wisdom and direction, that God has made Sam to be this amazing little boy who truly does have the joy of the Lord in his affliction. I am blessed to be a part of his life, I am blessed to be called his mom. I am blessed to be witnessing the miracles that God is working in his life.
So this week as I wait for the doctors call about the when/where of his procedure, I will not wait in fear, I will wait in anticipation of what God is going to do next!

Apnea monitor, blessings, and playing

My handsome little Sammy


Beautiful Sophia

These two pictures are the perfect examples of the polar opposite personalities of my amazing kiddos

My wild child Sophia, not holding on and going as fast and furious as she possibly can, and sometimes not even looking where she is going


Cautious Sammy, white knuckling the handles on his bike, occaisionally biting his tongue in concentration to make sure he is doing all things the right way/

First, oh my goodness the apnea monitor for Sam is driving me NUTS!!! I actually called the doctors office yesterday to see if I could get the parameters changed because it is alarming about 8-15 times an hour!!! It is horrible, startling and extremely frustrating. We know that Sam has really low heart rates at times, and the apnea monitor is proving it, but since the monitor isn't also monitoring his oxygen levels, it is almost pointless to know how low it is going unless it is a dangerous low. Praying that tomorrow we will get the parameters changed...
Today I had the idea to go and help a dear friend of mine who is 38+ weeks pregnant with baby number 3. She had mentioned last week how she was feeling stressed and overwhelmed with all she had to do to get ready. So I got another wonderful friend today and totally went over there aiming to go and bless Carol. And you know what happened? God totally blessed me! I had such a wonderful refreshing visit with my friends. It is so wonderful to talk with people who are in the same stage of life with me, who are also working outside of the home as nurses and having all kinds of other similar things going on. I am just so thankful to have been able to spend the morning with them.
In other WONDERFUL news Matt has been working his butt off the last several weeks building a beautiful fence for our yard. It is DONE!!! Not to his specifications, but it is perfect, the goal is to keep the kids safe, namely my wild child Sophia and it does. The kids now can go up and down the drive way without the concern of the road because they are fenced in:-)

Tornados, thunderstoms, and rain

Goodness what a crazy week of weather we have had. We have had two tornado warnings, multiple thunderstorms and lots of rain! I can't imagine if we lived like this all the time. God bless those people in the midwest who have to deal with the tornados so often!
We are doing fairly well. I can't help but think there is something going on with Sam, but it hasn't quite declared itself yet. He is so irritable and has been complaining of random things that hurt. Low grade fever, a cough that started last night, a tummy ache...We shall see
I am trying to work up the courage to potty train Sophia. She is probably ready, but I just don't know if I am, for the accidents part. But I am just praying to get the courage to just go with it, and see where it takes us.
I am still battling these crazy back spasms but this morning praise God they seem to be getting better. I go back to the doctor today to see when they are going to let me go back to work...
We have the much anticipated cardiologist appointment tomorrow at Children's. I am certainly not sure what to expect tomorrow. I am not completely sure what the concern is here. I am praying for lots of answers tomorrow. I am starting to really wonder if we should see a geneticist with Sam. It just seems that there are so many random issues with him, that maybe there is a genetic condition that ties them all together? I don'tknow just a thought.
Have a blessed day!!!

Jump, jump, jump!!!

When Sam is sick it is easy to forget that for the most part he is a happy and active kid who leads a happy although not typical life of a 3 year old. He has friends, he plays with his sister, he jumps on the bed etc etc. These are the days that we are fighting for and the days that we pray come more and more frequently. These are the days that we know that we are doing the right treatment for him. And so right now as he is sick, I remind myself from these pics from the past, that God is in control and that God knows Sam's future and that His plan is to prosper him and not to harm him. Thank you God for loving my boy, for healing him, and for making him such a happy little guy!!! Please continue to pray for him that this antibiotic does the trick, and that this coming week will lead us to more answers for Sam

Thankful

Below, a song that says so much about the stuggle, but is a reminder that we need to hold on to Jesus and He will bring us through. A friend posted this to her blog and I am so thankful.... Enjoy!!!



Because the tears fall...


I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
but there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

when hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

in the lone hour of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
my defender, forevermore

when hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

and I will praise You, I will praise You
when the tears fall, still I will sing to You
and I will praise You, Jesus praise You
through the suffering still I will sing

when hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

oh yes, You are good to me
You've always been good to me
so trustworthy

when hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

and I will praise You, and I will praise You
when the tears fall, still I will sing to You
(I will sing to You) I will praise You,
Jesus praise You through the suffering
still I will sing

how faithful and true
sustain me through and through
You are hope and truth
You're my spring of living water
You're my spring of living water

in the lone hour of my sorrow

who springs never fail
be faithful and true
like...
like a spring it never fails
you're my spring never fails


~ Newsboys

Well this about sums it up. God is faithful and true, whether I know what tomorrow holds or not. We may find out some truly awful news this coming week, we may not. We may get good news, we may not. We may not find out anything at all, but regardless I know that God will be with us through it all. HE knows and understands my fears, and sorrow. And He is right here beside me right now. He's got Sam wrapped lovingly in His arms, and in that I rejoice!!! And I will continue to pray for my boy and I ask that you will too.