Sunday, November 7, 2010

Sheer Panic and Fear

Yesterday after working all night I took the kids to a birthday party. It was at this great indoor soccer field, and the kids had a blast. They were running all over the place and just enjoying themselves immensely. I was going back and forth between the two since of course they don't stay together:-) And suddenly I couldn't find Sophia! Immediately there were several people looking for her. One of the men there ran outside, and amazingly there were a group of people from our church right outside who also started looking for her (It is such a GOD thing that these people were there)
I was running around like a lunatic looking for her, and then went into the bathroom and there she was:-) She had asked her auntie to take her to the bathroom. Sure she won't go pee pee on the potty for me without me forcing the issue, but she will ask other people to take her. I can't even begin to explain the terror I felt for those few minutes, and then the sheer elation when I knew she was safe, but that got me thinking....
I wonder as we are "lost" in the world of unbelief it that is how God feels. If His heart is breaking, knowing that HE can't force us to be safe (and found). I continue to think about this over the last day. And I am just so thankful to know that my God just loves and cares so deeply, but so saddened by the fact that I hurt Him and disappoint Him.
In those moments, I was so filled with fear, and anxiety, over the what ifs....and just as quickly those thoughts were stripped away as I held her in my arms. And I can't help but think about how once we have come to Christ, if our slipups and disappearing acts (when we kind of walk our own way instead of His) hurt our Maker that same way. And then the joy that He feels as we choose to follow Him. Gosh, the heartache that He must feel, with the way so many denounce Him.
Being a parent has changed the way I think about my faith and about how I feel about God. I don't think I still can grasp the amazing love that He has for me, but I'm getting closer since He has blessed me so wonderfully with these two precious kiddos. I am just so humbled through this experience, that God chooses to love us, dispite the risk of losing us, or of us rejecting Him. How truly amazing is our God?

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.
1 John 4:9

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