Contractions

Aaaagggghhh!!!! Do you ever feel like just yelling and losing your temper? That is where I am right now. I am so incredibly stressed and frustrated. I have been contracting off and on and keeping in contact with the doctor. Well monday night I couldn't sleep and was in tears as the contractions were so uncomfortable. Then tuesday morning when I woke up they were better, I had to check in with the doctor anyways, and so once I had spoken with her and let her know that I really just wanted to stay home, she said to check in a little while later. So when I called back I was contracting a little more frequently but not as intense. But she had me come up to the hospital and when they put me on the monitor the contractions were 2 to 5 minutes apart!!! I couldn't believe it. I kind of feel stupid as I was thinking they were about eight minutes apart. So anyways they gave me terbutaline to stop them and IV and stuff like that. I stayed for like six hours or so and then begged to go home. I had another negative fetal fibrinectin test, which is supposedly 98% accurate that I won't deliver in the next 9 days, but the doctor reminded me that if my body continues to contract that things can change and we could get a positive fetal fibrinectin.

SO I am so frustrated. I know I need to stop working but I can't becuase I need to have health insurance and food and to pay my mortgage. It is just so hard. I feel like keeping the schedule that I am keeping is jeopardizing the health of this baby and I feel like I have no other option. What do I do? Thankfully we have people willing to help take care of Sam or do other things for me, but it is hard to have to ask. Matt's aunt came over and reorganized Sam;s whole room and went through all the newborn stuff and put all of that away for me, which is a relief to have taht done. It is one less thing to stress over, and it is marking something off what seems like an endless list for me.

Sorry for the complaining, just completely stressed out at the moment. I know God is in control and that He will provide but it is just hard not knowing how. Here are some cute pictures of my little guy, who has taken to blinking although of course I couldn't capture it on film:)

My snow baby

Long overdue post

Do you every just feel discouraged and frustrated? That is where I am now. I started having contractions this weekend, but thought it was no big deal, as I had had a really busy weekend at work. SO I just took it easy and rested as much as I could (although quite difficult with a 1 1/2 year old) Anyways sunday night the pain got much worse but I decided to take a bath and then go to bed and hope that it was just muscles strecthing. It seemed a little better after I took a bath so I just went to bed. I called the doctor yesterday morning and they didn't even want me to come into the office they sent me right up to labor and delivery where they put me on the monitor. I felt some little cramps here and there but didn't think it was that big of a deal. Well when they put me on the moniter I was contracting every 8-14minutes!!! I wasn't even feeling all of them! THe good thing is the baby looked good but the bad thing is it is way to early to start contracting like this. THey did a test that said about 95% accurate that I won't deliver within the next two weeks, which would bring me to almost 30wks but that is way too early too. I am just so frustrated. I don't have the option to stop working or taking care of Sam, or stopping doing the house work and errands, but if I don't am I jeopardizing this baby? Am I risking having another preemie? Am I risking having more health issues for both of us? Sorry for the complaining just feeling pretty frustrated and disappointed that we are going through this. It always feels like there is something. HEre are some cute pictures of my boy with his "Papa" as Sam likes to call Matt's dad.

Thankful for answered prayers

We FINALLY heard back from the doctor today. Well actually I called and was a pest, but I couldn't wait any longer. So I spoke directly with the hematologist who said that he does not have leukemia!!! Thank you GOD! Anyways she is not quite sure why his blood work levels are abnormal, but they don't think that it is something on their end of things. Then today we saw the immunologist, who stated his concerns over a certain part of his white blood cells being chronically low and he is going to talk to the hematologist himself. I also asked him if there was any other options as far as Sammy's transfusions go. He was opposed to any sort of permanent access due to the risk of infection, but he did mention giving the gammaglobulin the same type of way that diabetics give their insulin. The good thing about this would be that it would be something we could do at home, but the bad things would be that I would be the one sticking him with needles, and that it would be weekly instead of monthly. So I am not sure what will happen on that end of things. It is a little strange to think of me and our home being MEDICAL place for Sam. I don't think I want him to correlate that stuff with here. Hopefully the doctor will come up with a better option.

STill waiting

Well we had our IVIG transfusion today. It was quite a rough experienc today. For some reason they had a really tough time getting the IV in. It took seven or eight tries. They had to call in the special IV team and even the first person from that that came couldn't get the Iv in. Sammy took it like a trooper but it is stil miserable to let people pick and prod at your kid. WE still have not heard anything from the hematologist, but I plan on calling them tomorrow.

We also had made plans to take a family picture yesterday since DJ and Dennis are still home. Do you know how hard it is to get everyone to look? Especially 3 little kids?

No news is good news?!?!

Well we haven't heard anything back from the doctor. My take on it is that that means there is nothign there and therefore nothing to worry about, someone else said that well maybe they did find something and are in the process of doing more specialized testing. Way to be positive!!! Well Sammy doesn;t seem too fazed by Mommy being a nervous ninny with a short temper and totally emotional. Here are some cute pics, he loves popsicles, my favorite is the first one, basically saying "Do I look worried?":)

Leukemia?!?!?

I am in such shock right now. Yesterday we went to the hematologist, who I must say was wonderful. What she had to say wasn't though. Even though it isn't like they are saying Sammy has leukemia, just the shear thought of testing him for it is absolutely terrifying. Who wants to have their child tested for cancer? The other thing that they had said was that because of his specific type of immune deficiency he is more at risk to get cancer than other kids. Such a scary thought.... It just seems like the devil is trying so hard sometimes to take him from us. I know God is bigger than all of this and that he is completely in control, but my heart is scared, overwhelmed and just plain sad. They did blood work yesterday and will call me with the results. I guess the good thing about this is that his past blood work hasn't been like they look at it and realize that he definitely has it (maybe that means it isn't?) but the trend in the flunctuations of his blood levels are concerning, as are the high fevers he has been having. So I ask all of you readers, PLEASE PRAY FOR MY BOY!!! Again I know that God is in control but this is still quite a scary situation.
On the total other end of the spectrum, I had an OB appointment today, everything was great! My blood pressures are good, no problems with my urine, the baby is measuring big! I am excited about that last part. With Sam I always measured 2-4wks smaller than I should have, and with this little girl I measured almost 3wks ahead!!!

An amazing year in review

My Montage 1/1/08